Dear John,
I hate Facebook and the fact that I cannot delete your sister as my friend because she's so sweet and that'd be rude of me. Plus, she's pregnant, and you can't delete a pregnant lady!
I hate that I have to see your new girlfriend post on your sister's page about hanging out with your family. Oh great, she flew in from LA too. Good for you. You're taking her to all our old spots. Hope you have the time of your life. Not.
I hate that your new girlfriend is my doppleganger. We look exactly alike, people have said it for years.... before you knew either of us actually. Only she's in a band and probably cooler.
Barf, barf, barf.
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