Tuesday, February 1, 2011


Dear John,

Just because you're (semi) famous and you've got a massive willy, doesn't mean I'm going to fuck you in the toilet. I bet you knew this was a sex club all along, you sleazy little snake.

Monday, January 17, 2011



We wanted to meet last night
We picked Grenada
Got arrested for kissing in public
Shared a jail cell
We didn't care because we were together
Broke out of prison with a file that I smuggled while you were lookout
Ending up laying in a square hammock
You were beautiful


Friday, January 7, 2011


Dear South Africa,

Thanks for exporting John beyond your national boundaries. He makes my heart skip too many beats, and I fear it might result in my untimely death. If this happens, be a dear and tell my mother it was Ireland's fault.


Dear John,

I don't know if I was being kind or cruel by letting you down so easily, although I'm sure that you would by no means describe my decision as one made with kindness. I say kind because I believe I successfully led you to accept that I thoughtd it was our relationship that was flawed, not either of us, and cruel because, well, our relationship ultimately was unsustainable as a result of your stunted emotional maturity. And by not being completely blunt, I may be allowing you to hold on to the feelings I know you still have for me, instead of seeing me as a cold, heartless bitch.

Oh, and things in the bedroom weren't very exciting, either. And they only happened in the bedroom, which is also a problem. But I digress.

We all use each other, but I definitely used you. For stability, affection, to feel lovable. In hindsight, I realize it's been a long, long time since I was very interested in you. I began to feel like I was dying inside, yet tried to label it as the effects of adulthood and maturity. While I realize that those are the hallmarks of many a person's development, I don't want them for myself.

I don't want a superficial life, and that's what I was destined to have with you, the man who was unable to carry a conversation during dinner.

I want passion, and change, and fits of laughter that leave you breathless. I want more.

And somehow, surprisingly, unexpectedly, I found a man who wants more, too. I don't know if it's going to last, and frankly, I couldn't care less right now. It just feels pretty awesome to be this comfortable with this person who drives me as crazy as I make him.

I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm not sorry I left you. I hope you fall in love again soon.



Different kind of love

dear john,

i wanted to write this letter to you on new year's eve, but as it came out you made a truce with me. i was not expecting this to happen, so i decided to write this letter as a symbol of me ending everything with you. unfortunately (or fortunately) it all came out quite well. but i still have a lot of sorrow in me because of you, so i want to express it now.

i am aware of the fact that you were strongly in love with me once. and i also know that i broke your heart. even though i gave you a chance it didn't work out. but i'm sure that you know that i really loved you. i loved you as a friend, as a person. i'm sorry that i wasn't able to find the love you needed from me in my heart, but there was no way i could have.

i'm only sorry about the way that you handled the situation later. being sad and sick at heart like you claimed you were does not allow you to treat me this way. treat me like a whore, use my devotion to you just to get me to bed. or later on use my drunkenness to do the same. is that what a man in love does? if yes then i want no more men, if no - what were you thinking? and everything later, your harsh words, your gossip about me and also making your new friends against me? what was that?! i can't believe you're the same person which i've known.

in the beginning i cried probably every night, also at daytime. i cried when i saw your photos, i cried when i heard songs which somehow related to all of this, i cried when i saw you, i cried when i heard about you. you were my first best best best best male friend. i regret a lot of things, but i will never regret the friendship that we had, even though it ended up with me being emotionally dead.

i do love you, i always will. but i will never try to speak about this to you. i will try to stay away as far as i can, given the acquaintance between me and your friends.

and i am truly sorry, for all the bad i might have done to you.
goodbye, soulmate

Lost in Translation

John Darling,

I read a book today called Bad Marie. It reminded me of you. I wish I could read it to you, word for word, and watch your reaction. I wonder what connections you'd make, and if they would be the same as mine. The thing is that they probably wouldn't be. You wouldn't understand what I was saying as usual, even though the words aren't even exactly mine. It's like you don't even understand pure English. But that's what we are and forever will be-lost in translation.

Saturday, December 18, 2010


Dear John,

I wish I knew better how to follow my heart rather than my head. I don't want to be with anyone else, but I'm scared it's just too much too quickly. You're too amazing, and I'm scared that I'll screw it all up.