Different kind of love

dear john,

i wanted to write this letter to you on new year's eve, but as it came out you made a truce with me. i was not expecting this to happen, so i decided to write this letter as a symbol of me ending everything with you. unfortunately (or fortunately) it all came out quite well. but i still have a lot of sorrow in me because of you, so i want to express it now.

i am aware of the fact that you were strongly in love with me once. and i also know that i broke your heart. even though i gave you a chance it didn't work out. but i'm sure that you know that i really loved you. i loved you as a friend, as a person. i'm sorry that i wasn't able to find the love you needed from me in my heart, but there was no way i could have.

i'm only sorry about the way that you handled the situation later. being sad and sick at heart like you claimed you were does not allow you to treat me this way. treat me like a whore, use my devotion to you just to get me to bed. or later on use my drunkenness to do the same. is that what a man in love does? if yes then i want no more men, if no - what were you thinking? and everything later, your harsh words, your gossip about me and also making your new friends against me? what was that?! i can't believe you're the same person which i've known.

in the beginning i cried probably every night, also at daytime. i cried when i saw your photos, i cried when i heard songs which somehow related to all of this, i cried when i saw you, i cried when i heard about you. you were my first best best best best male friend. i regret a lot of things, but i will never regret the friendship that we had, even though it ended up with me being emotionally dead.

i do love you, i always will. but i will never try to speak about this to you. i will try to stay away as far as i can, given the acquaintance between me and your friends.

and i am truly sorry, for all the bad i might have done to you.
goodbye, soulmate