definition

dear john,

you're my boyfriend, and i want you to be as such. but honestly, i'm not sure you even like me that much. i want to know if you love me and it's a hard thing to ask out loud. maybe because the answer could be no and that's about the last thing someone wants to hear.

i guess it's about me deciding what defines a relationship to me and in turn what i want from you going forward. one of the things i most appreciate about you is how independent you are as it gives me the space i need to live my life for myself, yet i cannot deny that i do want to be in this together. you as you- me as me, each with our own ways of living, defined by our own interests and desires. but i know that i do want to be in something emotionally intimate with passion, deep respect and holistic love for one another. and you remain a mystery to me most of the time, you don't share yourself with me. i don't even know you, boyfriend.

A Little too Late

Dear Joan,

Sometimes I get sad thinking about how we were on the way to having it all!! The perfect relationship... I miss our happy times sooo much. And I miss you as a person, a confidant and a friend. I hope to see you again. Talking with you is so easy and I usually like your perspective. Let's get together sometime ....no head games intended!

Love Sick

Dear Joan,

The way you look at me, the way you speak, the stories you tell the secrets you keep. I love you. I love yours, you and now mine. Your body pressing against mine as if it was meant to, it was made for me. I was made for you. I want to reflect all the tenderness and light shinning from your eyes, your mouth your hands.

Sign, Love Sick.

Friendly Benefits

Dear John,

I know we've been completely non-sexual friends for years, but seriously- sometimes I just really want to fuck you. There I said it.

lumberjack

dear john,

you are my favorite lumberjack..... cupboard...... duet..... caller of wolves..... humble peasant..... kite..... broken window..... velocity..... single malt..... jungle..... mirror..... morning coffee..... storyteller..... black hole..... puzzle.....

Postmark: Newport, July 3, 1819

Ask yourself my love whether you are not very cruel to have so entrammelled me, so destroyed my freedom. Will you confess this in the Letter you must write immediately, and do all you can to console me in it—make it rich as a draught of poppies to intoxicate me—write the softest words and kiss them that I may at least touch my lips where yours have been. For myself I know not how to express my devotion to so fair a form: I want a brighter word than bright, a fairer word than fair. I almost wish we were butterflies and liv'd but three summer days—three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain. But however selfish I may feel, I am sure I could never act selfishly: as I told you a day or two before I left Hampstead, I will never return to London if my Fate does not turn up Pam or at least a Court-card. Though I could centre my Happiness in you, I cannot expect to engross your heart so entirely—indeed if I thought you felt as much for me as I do for you at this moment I do not think I could restrain myself from seeing you again tomorrow for the delight of one embrace.

But no—I must live upon hope and Chance. In case of the worst that can happen, I shall still love you—but what hatred shall I have for another!

(no subject)

dear joan

i wish you knew what i know
i wish you loved how i loved
i wish you were here right now
i wish...

AMR

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh… And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

3 am Eternal

Dear Joan,

Your beautiful smile lights up my world and makes me feel alive.
Holding your hand makes me warm inside. Thanks for being you x

Secret Thrill

Dear Joan,

I feel like your secret thrill that no one else is allowed to see.
No record shall exist and everything will be denied yet my love for you just grows and swells.

When our eyes meet and connect in the way that they do we are the only people who see it but I feel the electricity deep inside me.
It's as if we're making love with sight, enjoying foreplay in a flutter.

I try to remain calm keeping the burdens of others lies and loves buried where you cannot see or have chosen to ignore them.
You are my secret thrill.
The girl that I adore.

Lay down Love

Dear Joan,

One kiss
one touch
is all I need

your hand in
mine to hold me close
my cold heart swells

the river lights
the midnight bells
your beauty grows

i lay you down
and gently kiss
the face i love.

The back burner

Dear John,

I'm sorry that I string you along, put you on the back burner and reel you back when convenient. I don't know why I do it.

Breathing rapture

Oh, love is shaped like cities burning,
Soot and ash is stretched between
The sea and sky; these lonely islands
Kiss the buildings, black and silent.
Here my eyes look towards the brightest
Point of light, like some great sign.
And know the love--
I was reminded of the time I almost died.
But do remind you close your eyelids,
See the fine good colors that are left behind
Like flaming fingers tracing lines.
Oh, love is shaped like cities burning,
Sifting through the ashes after.
We will find your life in laughter,
Oh, the black and breathing rapture.

A few words from John

Dear Joan,

Thank you for the helpful and informative advice in regards to the precise location of your clitoris. I hope that all of those years I spent searching around the "bottom" were not too uncomfortable for you.... I'll try and do better.

In response, however, let me submit to you the following pieces of advice.

1) Hand Jobs -- I've been practicing these. A lot. If we're not in seventh grade and you give me more than 4 pumps.... I'm rolling my eyes at you. Oh, I understand that "you're really good at them" and "have a special technique" but bottom line: unless you're a Thai masseuse that's been averaging a bakers-dozen per day -- a hand job is a mans job. Thanks.

2) Blow Jobs -- Yes, that feels good. Yes, I like it. Quit asking. When I tell you "just like that" or "don't stop" -- pay attention! Rhythm and a positive attitude will get us both over that mountain. Spit or swallow? I'm not particular but I am giving you some advance notice so you can choose a route.... and... finishing me off with your hand isn't in my playbook. Remember the attention I showed you with my tongue only moments before you began the return? When that big O started I didn't reduce my efforts to merely my digits and you shouldn't either. See #1 if you're confused.

3) Sex -- You're going to think this sounds selfish but... I'm going to be selfish. I think you should be, too. Sure, it's a main concern that you get yours before I get mine... but... I can only do so much. Tell me what you need from me. Be honest with what you want. Faking is only going send us both marching in dizzy circles. I can take a little instruction, I can take a little playful rubbing, and I can take a little aggressiveness. You already know that I'm going to finish this race... I hope you know that it's all the more sweeter when you're right there with me. Too difficult? Sigh. You might be hopeless.


Love always,

John

Just Sayin'

To all the Johns out there,

Take note. Your first priority while visiting, make sure you know just where the Clitorious is. Once located you can pretty much get away with anything, tell it funny jokes, your favorite color... oh and do give plenty of kisses etc.

Come home

Dear John,

I'm waiting here on this glowing golden velvet. Waiting. Waiting for you to come. To see your face through the rain. I sit here silently. Excitedly. Smiling by myself with warm thoughts. And anxious flutters. Even after all this time, after all our long days together. This is what it is to feel, to embrace love. 

I Cannot

Dear Joan,

I cannot get that beautiful afternoon out of my head, above me where I lay the grass was silhouetted against the blue of the heavens, small clouds were rushing past as the wind drove them on an endless journey. Then close to me was the most lovely of all, your soft hair against my cheek, your kisses so cool and unearthly and my happiness was so great.

Eraser

Please excuse me but I got to ask
Are you only being nice
Because you want something
My fairy tale arrow pierces
Be careful how you respond
'Cause you'd not end up in this song
I never gave you an encouragement
And it's doing me in
Doing me in
Doing me in
Doing me in

The more you try to erase me
The more, the more
The more that I appear
Oh the more, the more
The more you try the eraser
The more, the more
The more that you appear

You know the answer so why do you ask
I am only being nice
Because I want someone, something
You're like a kitten with a ball of yarn
And it's doing me in
Doing me in
Doing me in
Doing me in

The more you try to erase me
The more, the more
The more that I appear
Oh the more, the more
The more I try to erase you
The more, the more
The more that you appear
No, you're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong, you're wrong
You're wrong