Relationship Advice

My Dear Brother from another Mother, First n Foremost

What can I say but ...O baby...o baby...O BABY

Ah, the heart. That little fuck pump that leads us astray. It has reasons of which reason knows nothing of. It clouds our minds, smokes up our vision...which is all eventually cleared up by it's mortal enemy: The Brain. The heart is but the horse, the brain is it's reins. Beware if the two unite, it paints a picture of reality. But that is rarely seen, especially in rideless horses like ourselves who fancy the pretty mares in the pen but just swish our tails, swatting away the flies. While some small time PONY takes them away with false promises of a big dick and starry skies leaving us STALLIONS to bite the dust and curse our luck while Fat King KKG (Kismat Ka Gandu) slaps his thigh laughing. Humph! Sometimes I think that picture of reality is painted with horse shit.

But YOU, my Gujrati stallion, should know that the mare you thought was flirtatiously swishing her tail at you was actually just taking a dump. There's a reason you didn't go up to her like the ponies do...you could smell the shit. If there wasn't any shit, you'd have smelt some fragrance and would have gone galloping to her even without being whipped. Such stuff is automatic...the horse doesn't need a rider to show or prod or whip him into doing something he doesn't do on his own. If he's pushed and anxious enough on his own, he'll go where he has to go by himself. Even she can't entice him into something worthwhile if his heart isn't in it.

They say, wheresoever you go, go with all your heart. But know that it'll only go where you'll take it. If you don't go a certain way, if you choose a different path, it was because it relieved you...it's subconscious, instinct, the right thing. Even if she was a unicorn :D

From

You know Who

Partially unrequited forever

Dear John,

2.5 years of partially unrequited love. This relationship we have - these complications, the moments of beauty, the hurt and frustration, the push and pull, the inside jokes, the comfortable silence, the nervous butterflies, the long philosophical conversations, the anguish of my heart, the complex nature of your thoughts, the laughter, the longing and missing - it's all been worth it. Every single moment.

And even as I have relationships with others... even as I have my heart broken from other men and break other men's hearts, I will spend the rest of my life loving you - in some shape or form.

Plan B

Dear John,

I still read your horoscope every morning, along with mine. I still check your Facebook, looking to find what you've been up to. I watch you go on and offline, hoping you'll talk to me… sometimes you do. Sometimes I'm left wondering who you're talking to instead.

I'm aware of all the girls you've been with since you and I were together, I've been around them a few times when we've hung out. I'll introduce myself politely and even at times engage in conversations with them because I know to be mature and I admit to being well-raised. It baffles me though what you see in them, they come out as being ignorant to everything but themselves. They are socially awkward, oblivious and selfish in ways I can't even depict. They all look exactly the same, completely different in every way from me. I'm left wondering what made you pursue me in the first place, I definitely wouldn't consider myself your type after meeting these bobble heads you date. I'm almost embarrassed to be amongst these class-less Jane's.

We still talk, we're friends, we go out once in a while. I insist my feelings for you have changed, I tell myself that everyday. Deep down though it frustrates me, being around you but not with you. Seeing you smiling in pictures I'm not in… watching you move on when I'm still just as hung up on you as ever.

The thing is, John, I have this hope, that one day things will change… and you'll wake up and realize you want me back. What gives me this hope though, is the way we are now. You've insisted on this friendship, and it bewilders me. I've stopped talking to you before, we've had numerous arguments where I tell you I'm not ready to be friends… time goes by and you'll message me, or text me, or instant message me out of the blue. You'll say something completely random, that has nothing to do with us. You know exactly how to get a reply from me. How to make me feel pathetic if I don't respond.

You don't want to be with me, yet you keep me around. Like a plan B, a safety net… an assurance that you'll always have someone if ever in need. I'm that someone you feel you can someday love again, that someone you know you should someday love again because we're both aware I was good to you, but your feelings are gone and neither I nor you can make them come back.

Maybe the timing is just wrong, or maybe you want to be sure there's nothing else out there better or greater before ever considering me again. Gosh, I feel like a tool saying this. I'm a professional at making you seem like the greatest douche bag of all. It's not hard… what you're doing, even though you're not aware, is indeed very unfair. It's in your nature though, and I've seen a better side of you, the one i know is around when you're truly involved with someone you care about. That's the side of you I crave… it's what lingers.

It was obvious my mistake was being too good. I was always there, I never played games, I gave you everything and more… your friends even enjoyed my company, do till this day, actually. Your family approved, even your siblings who had never enjoyed prior Jane's admitted to liking me. Even once we were done, and in bad terms, I've been in their company. You still talk about me with them, with your family. You tell me how fond of me they are. It's quite fucked up to be frank this little relationship we have going on.

Anyways, John...

I want you to know, that to the contrary of what you may think, I will move on one day. I'll find another John, one that will appreciate all my qualities and realize I'm not just a toy that can be played with whenever he feels like it or craves attention. I want you to know that you will want me back when this happens, and that you wont be able to have me back. I look forward to the day when you see me smiling on my pictures, and wish you were by my side. The day when you're the one wondering what I've been up to, looking for clues on my Facebook. I assure you, I'm more certain than ever that it will happen, and so I dedicate "Ain't It Funny (the remix) by J.Lo," to you on that day. Haha, enjoy it.

Xo,
Jane

Jealousy

Dear Jane,

Dude we're certainly not dating but your behavior is not in anyway how I would treat a friend (wasn't he also your flatmate's date?) whether he was or not, it was weak and it was a poor show. As much as I hate to admit it it, it was also hurtful and disappointing. There's a difference between this liberated openness and being cool and being an utter cunt. An untrustworthy one at that.

Shortcomings

Dear John,

You have a tiny, terrible dick.

Oops, BYE!

Laws of Me

Dear John,

You are my everything and my nothing simultaneously. By creating this seemingly virtual existence we partake in outside the safety of our separate worlds, I've become more satisfied than ever before and more agitated than possibly imagined. I look back on the way your body facilitates mine, the ridiculous pull you have on my desires, and I forget the frustration of not having you any time I want.

Since our first teenage-esque makeout session on the city street laced with winter, you've allowed me to piece together your being within my own mind without restraint. You are completely unaware of the individual I perceive you to be, want... need you to be. Selflessness presents itself in such curious ways.

Before you, I held the world to my greedily lofty expectations. My ridiculous nuances and desires of the way things should be according to the Laws of Me. During you, I've learned the only standards I can hold anyone to are their own. Within the four walls surrounding the World of Us, you've taught me tolerance by being loud mouthed and opinionated as I see you're shielding the history you so desperately try to shed. I've fully digested the puzzle pieces you've shared in confidence and have them sewn within the sanctity of my soul. You are safe, love.

I've always viewed striving to satisfy one's own desires regardless of consequence as selfish; because of you I now know that act is merely survival.

Hold me while you need me and feed my internal longings. For a moment or forever, pieces of us will float within our parallel universe and words unspoken will translate within. At least I'll know you know.