Wallpaper

Dear John,

I don't know why I have the incapacity to show unsolicited affection. You probably think I'm a frigid heartless shell, but really I just wanted to hold your hand at the cinema tonight. I kept thinking about it through the whole of the film. I am actually really romantic.

In my best efforts to conceal my overly romantic and whimsical tendencies, I act completely the opposite. Cold and locked away somewhere. And it's only when I actually like someone that I become incapacitated. I think it comes out of the fear of being seen as too keen, too emotional, too easy.

You kissed me all through the night on Friday and tonight, I wanted to kiss you all the same. I wanted to put my hands at the edges of your collarbone, the spot where it meets your chest, and kiss you long and slow with eyes closed but not all the way. I wanted to knot my arms and legs around your arms and legs. I wanted to touch my eyelashes to yours (my mom used to call them 'camel kisses'). I wanted to grab you by the neck and press my nose against your cheek.

Instead, I formed sentences that bored even my own self. I am really sorry for that.

Well here it is, John, I hope you give me a third chance. I'll make it up to you. I think you are really special.