Translucence

Dear John,

I have been made utterly translucent. My cheeks rouge, my lips quake each time your name is mentioned. Your body and my hand are two magnets of opposite poles—I’m drawn to you and embarrassed by how frequently I touch you when you’re nearby. You called me sassy, and now I want to be reborn, known only as that.

Yet, I have your number, and I don’t call you. You send me a text, and I don’t respond, too paranoid that I’ll say the wrong thing (and you didn’t ask a question, so did you really want a response And what would the perfect response be Or would I do what I always do and send a message that doesn’t convey over text well And then would you hate me and think I was idiotic and crazy But if you did respond to my response what would I say or do or think?????). You confuse me. I befuddle myself.

“John, you make me laugh. Would you like to get a drink sometime?” It’s the perfect thing to say, but… I am utterly a coward. I blame you and your lovely smile.

Scandal

Dear Joan,

I'm on the train, and this is scandalous. 

I can still smell you on me, and I like it!

Are we Just Friends?

Dear John,

Would it kill you to call me on a Tuesday?...

Ultimatum

Dear John,

Why must you pull on my heart strings?..
If you really truly loved me, the thought and fear of losing me would destroy you. But the only person you truly love is yourself. Why is it so difficult to cut ties with someone you are hurting?
We go back to the pain over and over again, in a way as if we were seeking comfort in its consistency. Just do it already, I've already showcased that I cannot leave you. I cannot make you love me the way I want to be loved, and you seem to be unable to.
Love me in a mouth watering, can't wait to see you again, ridiculous way, or leave me alone for good. Yes this is an ultimatum.

Ugh.......

Dear John,

I DO NOT WANT TO LOVE YOU.

goddamn, why do I?

I hate it.

Don't wait

Dear John,

The thought of not having you in my head makes me lonely. Without your metaphysical presence, I certainly am empty. You fill me with a burning agony that I can't harness quite yet -- but will leave me one of these days -- and I'm afraid of it. I love you, John, it seems quite deeply. Come for me... just please, don't wait too long.

Delightfully unfulfilled longing

Dear John,

There are certain things about the tension between you and I, John....
A murky, unscathed area that I ADORE.
Maybe it is better if our desires remain underdeveloped?
Either way, at this moment, I am recognizing my delight and appreciation in our unfulfilled longing (mine, at least).
Don't ever go.